Raaque's

Rolling Heads

2011-12-03T22:31:00.000-05:00

Pakistan Army is invincible; except in wars against foreign aggression or local insurgents. In these two situations it is helpless. It acts like a wailing child who, in between his uncontrollable tears, threatens to tell mommy.

That’s what has been proved since Lal Masjid incident until now and before that in three and a half wars against India. Nevertheless, rest assured no matter what happens no general will ever lose his job because he blundered. He will lose his job only when he becomes a serious liability for other generals. Because it’s all business. Even then this general will enjoy full immunity from any legal proceedings. Point in case: Musharraf.

We quit 1948 war, left the task incomplete; we started and lost 1965 war and lied to the entire nation and perpetuated that lie by celebrating Defence Day on every September the 6th ever since. We lost half the country in 1971. We dug a hole ourselves in 1999 and got stoned in it; and stonewalled diplomatically. Tell me how many generals lost their jobs that can be historically acknowledged as a result of all these “little” incidents? Has any general ever been arrested or tried for any blunder causing thousands of civilian and military deaths?

After alleged killing of Osama bin Laden in Abbotabad – which was a clear military attack on country’s soil, a declaration of war by US against Pakistan – the first thing military wanted the public to know was that “no heads will role”. Translation: “Do not expect any general to lose his job for such serious failure of intelligence and inability of the military to defend the sovereignty of the country.” Many politicians would have been more than happy to try and hang Raymond Davis if it weren’t for Pakistan Army’s everlasting bittersweet love affair with USA that saved their illegitimate child that killed two Pakistanis on Pakistani soil at point blank in cold blood. Davis killed two Pakistanis like cattle and guards of his jail cell were not allowed to carry their duty weapons.

After the deliberate slaughter of 24 Pakistani soldiers by NATO air power I do not expect any positive steps from military brass. Sooner than later everything will be business as usual. This Army is Alzheimer’s patient when it comes to USA and its allies. I truly believe that those 24 Shuhadaa had neither the weapons nor orders to defend themselves from NATO’s murderous aerial fire power. At this point the least the Army could do is roll the heads of General Kiayni and General Pasha and start an inquiry against them for not acting against foreign aggression.

The Oasis of Democracy

2011-12-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

When it comes to undeserving flattery, our bureaucrats and diplomats do it with the utter stupidity of a court jester without realizing the kind of embarrassing position that their naïve attempts to secure their seats are putting Pakistan in. After all their appointment letters did not designate them national clowns. The latest example of such epic foolishness comes from our High Commissioner to UK, Wajid Shamsul Hassan, and his interview with CNN correspondent under the shadow of yet another national embarrassment – death of 24 soldiers by the NATO forces and Pakistan’s helplessness in its face.

During the interview when asked to comment on NATO attack on Pakistani outposts, Mr. Hassan found it important for “broader national interest” to kiss the stinky behinds of the rulers of the ruling party. Instead of highlighting grave diplomatic and military implications of such open aggression and its effects on Pakistan’s ever so fragile democracy, which is already crippled by perpetual corruption, he went on to call Pakistan “the Oasis of Democracy in the region”. The utter shock and disgust mixed with disbelief on the face and in the voice of the interviewer is impossible to describe in words. In a typical sarcastic tone, which can be observed in a western born female only, she queried, “Pakistan is the Oasis of Democracy in the region?”

Despite living in the UK and supposedly working as Pakistan’s diplomat over there, Mr. Hassan seemed unaware of vocal and tonal expressions of the locals as he looked completely unaffected by the obvious and razor sharp sarcasm in the voice and the words of the interviewer. He kept on talking, shamelessly. This whole part of his mindless rambling can only be translated as following: “Pakistan is the Oasis of Democracy in the region because Mr. Zardari is in charge of this democracy.” I have never seen such poor choice of words even by the world famous lingual disaster former president of US George W. Bush. Pakistani politicians are famous for losing wars in table talks. Now you know why. Diplomacy is a war of words and with such commanders at the helms of our frigates we are doomed to failure.

Don't Blame Rangers Only

2011-06-09T22:28:00.002-04:00

Pakistan Rangers, a paramilitary force, has been accused of killing an "unarmed teenager" in Karachi. However, one should try to understand full context before quickly pointing fingers at Rangers. BBC Urdu has a 1:02 minutes long video which a close consideration reveals many clues that support Rangers' point view.

In the video, a young man is taken towards the paramilitary force personnel by an apparent civilian, who in a very frank manner waves something towards Rangers and says, "This is the gun and money". Upon close inspection one can clearly see that there is a hand gun wrapped in that piece of cloth - a standard practice in Pakistani law enforcement agencies to keep fingerprints safe. It appears that the young man is being accused of armed robbery, to which he seems to confess by saying, "It is a fake gun" and "I am forced (by circumstances)". Rangers clearly seem to be confused and a lack of proper training is apparent.

They, however, according to most reports, shot him on his limbs and he still succumbed to his injuries in the hospital. Did anyone ever stop to ask what kind of medical facilities were available in that hospital or how fast was he taken to the hospital or how many doctors were actually in the hospital.

When the whole system is broken, you cannot blame just one institution because it is easy to identify.

Salman Taseer Murder Justified

2011-01-08T18:19:00.000-05:00

Since I have heard the news about Salman Taseer’s brutal murder I have been incessantly reading news and articles from Pakistan’s English language news sources which have been shedding light on this incident from all imaginable angles but one.

These English language journals, which are reputed to be leaning towards educated westernized public with very liberal tendencies, seem to be deliberately ignoring the root cause of this murder, elimination of which, if done on time, could have saved not only Mr. Taseer’s life but also the lives of so many other so-called liberals who were not news-worthy enough.

During more peaceful years in our country, the nation was, for the most part, preoccupied by a host of problems which could be summarized as corruption; which along with the resulting government incompetence has been costing Pakistanis lives in more ways than we can imagine. From roads to hospitals, from government offices to police constable on the street, from nursery classes in a government school to the offices of the prime minister and the president, the infusion and perpetuation of corruption and ignoring the problem as an inevitable part of living in Pakistan has been costing us lives. Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed in easily preventable violent crimes? Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed by police under the pressure from mafia, feudal lords and politicians? Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed by the lack of health care, lack of medicines or counterfeit medicines? Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed by unqualified doctors? Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed by unhygienic water and food? Do we have stats about how many Pakistanis are killed by the lack of food because they can’t afford any?

Admit it or not, to most Pakistanis, Salman Taseer was nothing more than another stooge of corrupt, Mr. 10 Percent Zardari. Revelations about his affluent lifestyle outraged so many Pakistanis who are on the verge of suicides because of their economic and financial direness. Apathy towards the general public and swiftness of efforts to appease western powers in order to perpetuate their reign has been a signature of virtually all of Pakistani governments including the current one.

For decades, mullahs have been blaming the lack of Islamization for all the problems facing the country and have been attempting to present themselves as the ones who are able to bring about a utopian Islamic society. Until such a society is established, murder of anyone and everyone, according to theses contractors of religion, is perfectly justified. What if innocents are killed along with the “guilty”? You get three answers depending on the religious school of thought of the responder. They are guilty otherwise they must have survived; they are shaheed because their death was accidental; or no one is innocent. Pick one that suits your sectarian leaning. These mullahs and maulanas conveniently ignore the fact that the West has been dominating the entire world for about half a millennium now without any Islamization.

We Pakistanis have a mob mentality and this mob is tired of looking at the governments for the relief. Far too many heads are turning towards the imams of religious fanaticism, who seem to have a very simplistic but brutal worldview which bodes well with the decades of frustration and resentment boiling in the hearts of the public. The lava oozing from this volcano of the public is being streamed by the will of the venomous ulamas; for whom punishment for any disagreement is nothing short of murder.

This mob of turning heads is suicidal. By killing Mr. Salman Taseer they have merely stabbed themselves once more. In a society, where corruption and nepotism is a norm, where ruling elites have no roots in the very nation they are supposed to lead, where short term benefits for selected few always get preference over wider interests of the public, no leader can safely say that he is not going to be hit by the same boomerang with which he has been victimizing so many.

Taseer’s murder was justified not by any secular or Sharia law but by the lawlessness resulting from the corruption and incompetence in every rank and file of government. The very fact that a fanatic like Mumtaz Qadri was able to slip through the gapping holes in governments security apparatus and approach such a VVIP justifies the murder of Salman Taseer, late Governor of the Punjab.

No Pardon for Asia Bibi

2011-01-06T14:50:00.004-05:00

In a quest to appease overly secularized western powers that still identify with Christianity more than ever, late Governor of the Province of Punjab Mr. Salman Taseer didn’t give much thought to the consequential possibilities emanating from what he said and how he said it. Son of a highly respected poet and intellectual did not seem to care for the highly reputable legacy his late father left for him. His worst mistake in the wake of Asia Bibi case was not what he said about the so-called blasphemy law but what he tried to do. His worst blunder was to seek presidential pardon for Asia Bibi.

Given the detailed accounts of Asia Bibi case, the events thereon and onwards, I am very much convinced Asia Bibi is innocent of blasphemy in the true sense of and spirit of Sharia. After the quarrel with her Muslim co-workers who deemed her unclean despite the contrary verdict from Islam about the People of the Book (i.e. Jews and Christians), in the heat of heightened emotions, Asia Bibi might have let something slip that could be contrived into a blasphemous statement and given her Muslim co-workers an idea as to how to go after her with a legal tool which is so easy to abuse.

Nevertheless, under the Sharia law, if she was guilty of slightest slip of tongue, a simple official apology from Bibi will suffice to let her go as a free citizen.

Despite all of my speculative analyses, I still think she never said or did anything criminal under blasphemy law. A fair trial in higher courts can easily prove that. Then why do I say “no pardon for Asia Bibi” you say. It is because a presidential pardon under any condition implies a guilty verdict from none other than the President. A presidential pardon will jeopardize her life even more and possibility of her murder by any members of the public convinced of her being guilty clearly implied by the pardon - not to mention, extra judicial, unethical, illegal maneuvers to please the foreign powers - will be closer to becoming reality.

Asia Bibi should go through a fair trial and best way to help her for any sympathizers would be to grant her legal and financial help in her judicial case. The details of court proceedings and statements of involved parties should be widely made public through print and electronic media in order to draw a clearer and unbiased picture of the facts in the minds of general public of Pakistan. All the accusers should be brought to court and should be punished for perjury and false accusations after the acquittal of Asia Bibi. If possible, Islamic punishments should be implemented on accusers if they are found guilty of laying false accusations.

Black Rappers and Islam

2010-08-26T11:29:00.005-04:00

I don't know if there are others out there who think like me but here it goes. I, sometimes, think, feel or even tend to believe things which I don't want to be true. That is true about my feelings about relationship of black celebrities, primarily rappers, with Islam.

As a Muslim, I feel immense happiness and delight when I hear about a western's and specially a celebrity’s conversion to Islam. However, I feel extremely wary and sceptic of the intentions and motives behind the conversion of black rappers to Islam. This feeling is not racist but is based on the culture of these celebrities. Most rappers - most of whom are black and very few white - build their image as rebels and base their personas on a sort of aggressive machismo. My stress here, however, is on the word "rebels". The hip-hop culture sounds to me a culture that prides itself as the rebellious against the society and the norms which bind it together.

With all this in view to me it seems like that the conversion to Islam is not a leap of faith but an act of rebellion against a primarily Christian society which is supposedly dominated by white Christians. It sounds like they are endorsing Islam just to tick off general American society which is lately being seen as more Islamophobic than ever before.

Can someone prove me wrong with a strong argument? I strongly wish that I am wrong.

Israel vs. Jews

2010-05-30T17:33:00.001-04:00

I'd love to not hate Jews, if only Israel didn't exist.

Cash Profit Rates (percentages) of National Savings

2010-05-19T07:18:00.010-04:00

Whenever you invest your money in any of investment schemes in National Savings to get cash profit on regular basis, you never know until the completion of entire (and rather lengthy paperwork) how much cash you are actually going to take home.

General (R) Pervez Musharraf's government regularly and drastically reduced National Savings profit rates and, even now, you can never say for sure how much income tax you will be slapped with.

However, people at National Savings are kind enough that they will give you a clear figure of percentage of income tax if you ask them. Nevertheless, the percentage of profit they tell you, although technically true, is always somewhat misleading as to how much actual cash you'll be able to feel in your pocket.

After doing a little elementary algebra based on my experience with National Savings, I have come up with an equation which can solve a big mystery in a matter of minutes.

Mystery: What percentage of your amount you actually get in cash profit in any regular income scheme at National Savings?

And the answer is:

In this equation, x is the actual, working percentage of cash profit you are taking home. It is useful, when you already are taking home some amount of cash from an investment scheme, and you want to calculate how much money you could make on a different amount in same investment.

Here's how to use above equation. Let's start with variables.

x is percentage of cash you are currently taking home. National Savings never tells you this percentage. Your goal is to find the value of x.

P is the amount of cash you receive in profit from National Savings on an your investment.

y is number of times you receive the profit every year. It is generally a number from 1 to 12.

a is the amount of money that you have invested.

t is the percentage of income tax on your profit. This you have to ask National Savings by simply asking, "what is the percentage of income tax?"

By knowing P, y, a and t, you can calculate x, the percentage of cash profit that you get on your investment amount. From this percentage you can calculate possibilities of cash profits on different amounts in the same scheme without going through all banking mumbo jumbo of National Savings.

Using this equation in Microsoft Excel

Above equation is for pen and paper only. This equation may not give you proper answer in Microsoft Excel if you are not familiar with how the software works with percentages.

To use this equation in MS Excel, change into following:

In Excel, this equation will be entered as following:

=(100*B1*B2)/(B3*(100-B4))%

Where P = B1, y = B2, a = B3, t = B4

It is because of % sign in Excel's equation that we have to change 10000 to 100. If you want to use the original equation in Excel, then do not use % sign.

I Support Honour Killings

2010-05-17T06:47:00.005-04:00

Yes, I do support honour killings. But not necessarily for those of women or girls. It can be anyone. Anyone who undermines the honour of my country, Pakistan.

Recent events that have unfolded in the two Americas, the continents, necessitate us to take such steps. In USA (North America), Faisal Shehzad and in Chile (South America), Mohammad Saif-ur-Rehman have put Pakistan back into defensive position on negotiating table with foreign powers, specially USA. Now open discussions have started again about the possibility of American boots in Pakistan.

Faisal and Saif, these two buffoons have jeopardized Pakistan’s reputation that we built by giving so many military and civilian lives in retaliation against terrorists and their activities.

Government of Pakistan, instead of defending the likes of Faisal and Saif should either eliminate them and their links to Pakistan, or bring them back to Pakistani soil and put them in front of Pakistani courts. This way we would be cleaning up on our own terms, after dimwits like them have crapped all over their country’s hard earned reputation. It takes just one drop of dirty water to ruin the whole bucket, and we’ve got two.

Pakistan should kill whatever we need to kill to save the honour of the country.

Jewish Ethnocentrism is Dangerous for Humanity

2010-04-28T02:33:00.001-04:00

The life of an average American revolves around two things; money and TV. Decades of brainwashing of American people against communism and socialism as taboos worst than rape and murder have turned an average Joe into a humanoid machine who works his entire life for a goal of financial security only to see the fruits of his toil near the very end of his life; and it is true for the few very lucky Joes only. What is the worst accusation Tea Partiers came up against Obama? “He’s a communist.” “He’s a socialist.”

An average American revolves around money and TV like a planet which orbits two stars and has its path of travel in the shape of number 8. After a day of hard work, a son of Uncle Sam relaxes with TV and perhaps only TV.

Money goes to and stays in financial institutions while the contents of TV broadcast are a hodgepodge of news, reality shows, sitcoms, cop shows, soap operas and movies.

Just pick 5 names from any major financial institution or a TV/film company and do a background check on those names. Four out of five names will turn out to be Jewish. This identity is more ethnic than religious. Many Jews who are staunch adherents of the basic tenants of life of modern Jewry might claim to be non-practicing Jews, atheists or humanists. However, their practical life will be an embodiment of life of a typical kosher Jew. It seems like in modern times, to be a Jew proof of religion is not as much important as is the proof of ethnic loyalty.

Saying that Jews control the world would be a bit of exaggeration, however, it would be almost impossible to prove me wrong if I said that Jews control America and want to control the world.

When you see so many Jews concentrated in above-mentioned two very important parts of life of an American you don’t have to be a conspiracy theorist to figure out that something isn’t right. In fact, it is very wrong. Why is it that so many Jews so quickly succeed in whatever discipline of entertainment or finance they venture into?

What I see is a clear case of ethnocentrism and nepotism. Both, finance and entertainment, are very lucrative industries. Both industries by their very nature are very hard to penetrate and only the best and the brightest have any chance of piercing through their tightly knit fabrics. Any observer with common sense and some observational knowledge of these industries can easily discern those who don’t belong there and do not have the talent or guts to survive the supposed competition. However, they not only survive but also succeed to a fairly significant extent. In all such instances, there is a basic common denominator. The people getting undeserving success are ethnically Jews. They have least amount of talent, they often are extremely non-serious, and often are very young for their success. They keep getting chances despite the potential financial disasters. All the powerful moguls in these industries are Jews and they are doing their best to keep the Jewish concentration high. This kind of ethnocentrism and nepotism is inherently dangerous for the others who are not Jews. This practice with enough permeation in other walks of life will result in a desire to eliminate the non-Jewish competition by violence and, therefore, would be destructive for rest of the humanity.

Why is capital punishment used in some countries? What is the psychological reason for humans wanting to punish murder by death? Because a murderer by virtue has proved to be the destroyer of humanity. A murderer, in theory, has tendency and potential to destroy rest of the humanity for the sake of his own sole benefit.

We humans are by nature compelled to help and save other humans when they are in danger. A cop responding to an incident of a dog attacking a human would in most cases react in violence against that dog. It is very likely that the cop might shoot the dog on the spot. Humans, despite all of our, religious, political or ethnic frictions are constantly and mostly unknowingly working for each others’ survival. Every human is in a way is working for the survival of some other human beings. As a result we are depleting the earth of its resources. We are sucking the earth dry like a parasite. We are like a disease and are destroying everything around us for our own sole benefit. We are destroying plantations. We are destroying animals. We are destroying environment. We are destroying earth.

In the same way, on a smaller scale but at a rapid speed, Jews are destroying everyone around them who is not Jew. It’s not just Jews. Every ethnocentric group, whether it is Whites supremacists, Arab nationalists, Kurd nationalists, Pushtun nationalists, Sikh Nationalists or Aryans, is dangerous to the rest of the humanity.

I chose Jews to be the topic of my discussion because of their clout on most powerful country on the face of the earth and their ever increasing emphasis on the importance of their race and ethnicity. Although this emphasis is still in innuendo and insinuation but it carries a foreboding of a violent doomsday which we all have to work together to avoid.

Wal-Mart Telephone Scam in Canada

2010-03-15T16:25:00.002-04:00

Today I received a strange call from someone with a thick ethnic accent of English. The caller claimed that I had won a “$100 gift voucher for shopping at Wal-Mart”. When I asked why did I win it, he told me that I had filled out “a ballot” while shopping at a “Wal-Mart shopping centre” at Westmount Avenue (a street where I have never been).

Let’s start from the beginning of the call. The caller was a male and sounded East Indian with influences of some other accents too. At times I could hardly discern the words he was trying to say. I got the phone call a little after the noon hour and the number that my caller ID showed was 000-012-3456.

The thing that struck me instantly was that he was asking for my wife, not me. It just so happens that I am not married neither do I have a girlfriend or any other romantic alliance. When I told him that there was no Mrs. So-And-So, he right away changed his stance and said that he was asking for Mr. So-And-So not otherwise. Yes, he had my name right. Most callers from telemarketing companies and their likes ask for “Mr. or Mrs. So-And-So” instead of just Mrs. I gave him the benefit of doubt on account of his bad accent.

Then he told me that I had filled out “a ballot” while shopping at a “Wal-Mart shopping centre” and as a result I had won a “$100 dollar gift voucher”, which, he later elaborated, was for Wal-Mart, too. Just look at the caller’s choice of words in inverted commas. He insisted that I had filled the “ballot” in the “shopping centre when you were shopping”, not online. Here’s the catch. I never fill any forms or “ballots” when I am shopping because of time constraints and, moreover, I haven’t been to any Wal-Mart in last three months or so. I gave him that too because it was not impossible for any of my family members to fill “a ballot” in my name if it was in and for a well-reputed store like Wal-Mart.

The caller told me that I could pick-up my “$100 gift voucher” at 42 Westmount Avenue. Note that there is no Wal-Mart at this address or anywhere close in its vicinity and, get that, it’s a residential address. It is a house, which, from Google Street View, looks like is in a well-to-do neighbourhood. He also gave me a postal code, which, I later discovered, did not match the street address that he gave me. By the way, even the postal code was not situated anywhere near a Wal-Mart or the original street address, for that matter.

He also gave me a telephone number to contact him which started with my city code and went on like (xyz) 800-9225. Although, he had told me that I could pick up the said “voucher” at any time between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM on any weekday, after giving me his telephone number, he told me that he needed to know when I was coming to pick it up. Then he told me to call him before I go to pick it up.

Near the end of the conversation, he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I told him that I did not, he asked me if I had a female friend because I needed to bring a female with me as the voucher was for couples only. On my further inquiries, he told me that I could even bring a female blood relative for that purpose. Truly, this part of conversation was most surprising and in a way creepy with unthinkable premonitions.

I asked him if his records indicated the date I filled the “ballot”, he told that I did it on February 12, 2010, a day when I or my family did not do any shopping whatsoever.

A few moments after the termination of the phone call, I called the number he gave me and here’s what I heard: “We’re sorry. Your call cannot be completed as dialled. Please check the number and dial again.”

Later I called Wal-Mart and, needless to say, they told me it was a telephone scam to steal my identity. When I told the female representative of Wal-Mart that the caller had got my correct name and street address, she told me it is very easy to get it from 411.ca Yes, I did find myself at 411.ca along with my full address.

For the sake of preliminary analysis, let’s go back again. At the beginning of the phone call, he asked for my wife by saying Mrs. with my name. It could be because it was during the working hours. Or maybe because many scammers from Asia and even Africa are under the impression that it is easier to dupe women compared to men.

I think I am going to call the police.

Why Israel is America's best buddy?

2010-03-08T21:05:00.004-05:00

Countless sources in all kinds of media of information tell you and will tell you that Israel is the best friend America has. Has anyone ever stopped to think why Israel is so passionate about the pronouncement of its friendship to the entity many of us know as US of A?

If USA or so-called America ceases to be a superpower – the richest country with mightiest military and craftiest diplomatic prowess – Israel will find a new friend. And at that time of necessity the new superpower will have Israel as the best friend it will ever be able to possibly have.

Since the dawn of the formal inception of Israel as a result of organized terrorism and genocide of Arabs, USA has been the most powerful country with the lowest standards of diplomatic morality. With America being as powerful as it has been, which it continues to be so far, and its economy securely tethered to Zionist businesses and politicians addicted to hefty donations from same Zionists, Israel is making sure it stays impossible to wean it from American teat.

An Interesting Theorem: Proving 4 = 0

2010-02-08T19:56:00.011-05:00

Theorem: The digit 4 is a constant number. But sometimes it is not so. It becomes equal to zero.

∴ To prove: 4 = 0

Proof:

Statement	Proof
Let we have an equation as follows
4² – 4² = 0	Universal truth as 16 – 16 = 0
it can be written
( 4 + 4 ) ( 4 - 4 ) = 0	by the formula
	a² – b² = ( a + b ) ( a – b )
4 – 4 = 0	dividing both sides by 4 + 4
or 2² – 2² = 0	Given
( 2 + 2 ) ( 2 – 2 ) = 0	by the formula
	a² – b² = ( a + b ) (a – b )
2 + 2 = 0	dividing both sides by 2 – 2
4 = 0	Hence proved.

Those who'd like to challange above theorem's approach, ever remember solving limit problems at the beginning of calculus?

Female Coworkers: Pain in the…

2009-09-16T08:41:00.004-04:00

If you have read some of my previous and rather nonsensical blog posts, you might have discovered that I am an old fashioned heterosexual male who doesn’t need to brag about how straight he is.

I have been thinking about a certain issue lately, which I am sure has confronted many men in workforce out there. I am talking about female coworkers. I am not talking about authoritative, intimidating female bosses who look like early incarnations of anti-Christ or the old likes of mothers and grandmothers who have spent their entire life on the same desk and chair under the same roof. I am talking about smoking hot nymphets who despite being quite professional, and reasonably reserve and friendly at the same time can’t help but raise your heartbeat every time they are in closer than usual vicinity in office space.

At the beginning of your career together, you notice their alluring beauty which you find more tantalizing because of possible logistic convenience. You try to concentrate on your work and try to be more professional; partly you want to convince yourself that nothing is wrong and partly because you are afraid that you will get caught even though you did not do anything wrong.

Formal and rather limited conversation with your attractive female coworker can also be problematic on your psychological level. Since you are already charmed by her mesmerisms, you will be naturally compelled to find out if you have somehow the same alluring effect on her. After each conversation with her, you will probably spend hours scrutinizing every word of her mouth, every gesture of her limbs and every twitch of her visible skin to decode her thoughts about yourself and, unfortunately, it is very much possible that she is more indifferent about you than an ocean about the rain. Yet you will inadvertently bring about some odd statistics of her conversations with other male coworkers, her body language around your possible competitions and the number of times she smiled, said 'hello' or said 'goodmorning' to you compared to the others to prove to yourself that on some level she does find you enticing.

One day all of a sudden you’ll notice some most harmlessly common thing about her – it could be her bad mood because of an unrelated matter, her laughter with another coworker compared to her smile with you or her apparent indifference towards you (which could be the result of the change in her nature of work which involves you much less than before) – that you might start to feel rejected by her. You might even begin to blame yourself for being wrong from the very beginning, and reprimand yourself with a chronic guilt and resultant feeling of embarrassment for getting your hopes high on a semi-conscious level.

This, my reader, is unwanted sexual tension which can be very unproductive for your work and career. I have no ultimate solution for this as I have yet to find a 100% effective coping mechanism for such a lunacy which many men experience around the attractive members of fair sex.

I, however, have come to a result that may seem odd to you and can be wrong in some cases but, in my opinion, is true in most situations where romantic men find themselves stranded between love of the fair sex and the lust of the flesh.

My result is, in one way, a solution to most problems caused by sexual tension. There are some smaller points that you should think about before you get to know my final solution:

You should not avoid small talk.
Talk to her and think of your mother. This will keep you at ease, and keep your conversation normal and candid but within formal bounds.
Try to think of her as a brain and not the body, and a brain which might be superior to yours. This will bring you in a competitive mood which might help you focus on your work more.
If you are like me and believe in superiority of human race above all other creatures, then think of her as a sexless member a no-nonsense species of living organisms. I love science and philosophy but they keep me distracted from my more animalistic instincts.
This might offend some women and feminists, but think of her someone who needs your help and guidance and think of yourself somewhat of a mentor in a superior position. This sense of superiority might help you be more indifferent to her sex appeal and more focused on office work.
Let her talk when she wants to talk at length and of course time permitting. You might find out that she just finds you friendly as a human being and likes you to listen to her. Nothing less, nothing more.

And here is my final but rather crude solution. If you can tell your hot coworker a really dirty and vulgar joke and laugh with her without any fear of a formal complaint or lawsuit against you, then rest assured that, at least for you, she is a really hot man in woman’s disguise which nature gave her.

Review: Stay away from Rock Mobile Disk

2009-05-05T14:20:00.016-04:00

If you use "External Hard Drive" as keywords on eBay, you will find that an image that constantly appears in search results is following:

I bought two of those in 2007. One in May and second in June, 500GB each. I paid $140+ for each. The one that I bought in May, I used to store enormous amount of pictures which are inevitable in this day and age of digital cameras. I had to use ACDSee to regularly organize pictures on it.

In about May 2008, exactly after one year after its purchase, it completely gave up on me and I regularly began to hear the dreaded click of death whenever I tried to access it. I lost all of my pictures. I had no backup. In fact I was quite satisfied that now I had this mass storage which had sole purpose of storing images, I had nothing to worry about. Silly me.

It all happened when I used Windows Disk Defragmenter. So I figured maybe this was the culprit. I checked the second hard drive that I bought in June 2007. It had videos on it and I did not use it as often. It had huge number of bad sectors. I had not used Windows Disk Defragmenter on this one. It was slowly giving up on me. By experience, I estimated that it would completely give up in June 2008, if I accessed it a few more times. I bought a 1TB external hard drive from FutureShop and transfered all of my data on to the new one and never used Rock Mobile Disk again.

Now I noticed something else. External hard drive that I bought from FutureShop, hardly ever got even warm, whereas Rock Mobile Disk heated up so quickly and so much so that you could hardly touch it.

Then I decided to open the disk with click of death.

I removed all four tiny screws. Two at the top and two at the bottom; see picture (only top screws shown):

Then you can pull the covers sideways to remove them. Following is a picture of front of the disk with the cover removed:

Following is a picture of back of the disk with the cover removed:

See following two pictures and see how they fit the hard drive in the casing. They used pieces of cardboard:

Here's another picture. I have pulled out all the pieces of cardboard and put them beside the hard drive:

Here's how to pull the hard drive out of the casing:

Look at the following close-up of the hard drive, and the close-up after that. Try reading the label and pay attention to the condition of the lable:

In above two pictures, you can clearly see that the hard drive is manufactured by Western Digital. The seal has been deliberately damaged.

I assume whoever is selling these hard drives have got a bulk of faulty hard drives which are doomed to fail after much shorter than normal use and he/she is selling them as external hard drives by enclosing them in cheap casings. The label of the hard drive clearly instructs not to cover any holes and the casing is essentially airtight with no possibility of ventilation for the hard drive whatsoever. An over heated hard drive is more easily prone to failure. Any quality external hard drive's casing should have a way of cooling for the hard drive. The hard drive that I bought from FutureShop is from a well known company and, as I said before, doesn't heat up like a Rock Mobile Disk.

If you do a Google search for Rock Mobile Disk, you'll never find the manufacturer's web site. The only web sites you'll find will be either auction web sites or the forums with heaps of complaints about this product. Here's another assumption for your thought: Rock Mobile Disk is a phony company which only manufactures or supplies cheap, low quality casings for the standard hard drives.

There is no question, these external hard drives sure look good on internet and cause a lot of bid wars which result in inflated prices. These external hard drives with added shipping & handling charges, cost more than a high quality product with same capacity bought from a well known retail store.

Here are some tips to keep yourself safe from rip-off known as Rock Mobile Disk:

If you are bidding online on one of these, stop. Pull out your bid if you can or hope someone outbids you. Alert the bidding site about the possible fraud.
Do a survey of your local computer retail stores and compare prices. I bet you'll find a better hard drive at much lower price.
If you are currently using a so-called Rock Mobile Disk, make a copy of all the data in it and to prevent any possibility of data loss, stop using it. You have been a victim of internet rip-off like me. Don't lament. Help prevent such frauds.
If you have won a bid on one of these disks and haven't paid yet, then don't pay. Negotiate with the bidding site and let them know about the situation involving possible fraud. I hope they'll understand.

If you have any further information, if you want more information added to this blog entry or if you have relevant links to share please feel free to leave a comment. You don't have to register to do so.

Be safe and prevent fraud!

Swat girl's public sexual exploitation

2009-04-04T14:07:00.003-04:00

A video that has recently surfaced (kudos to Geo TV), has left Pakistan in shock. It shows a girl being beaten by a flog by some a bearded man while others were holding her from arms, legs and sides of the chest, in the presence of dozens of onlookers, all men. This happened in Swat where Taliban are spreading like cancer.

I, myself, haven't been able to watch this video in its entirety. I have even seen beheadings of men on TV and internet without getting much disturbed but cannot bear to see this video. It's too much.

A point, that much of Pakistani media has largely ignored or not dared to say given the unanimous support for censorship of sexual discussion on TV, is that at one point in the video, you can clearly see the girl being hit on her buttocks. Consequently, her posterior shook and moved as a perfectly natural reflex to sudden pain. The girl was fairly young, some media report her as 17-year-old, and this scene of her backside in that kind of environment was equivalent to a woman being publicly stripped to her undergarments in a western country.

This is obviously sexual exploitation if not rape. There is no denial that biologically a woman's posterior is cause of sexual attraction for men and this girl's was hit publicly without any regard of her privacy and self-respect for a crime which was not proven by any law, Islamic or secular. (Most secular laws and procedures in West are very similar to those in Islam.)

A human being's buttocks by any scale are a sexual part and violation of this part is sexual exploitation and abuse. These men should be arrested and tried under Pakistani laws for sexual abuse and believe me the punishment for sexual abuse in Pakistan is extremely harsh and even life threatening.

Joke from my jokes collection 26

2009-03-07T11:11:00.001-05:00

Q. Why can’t Sardars make ice cubes?
A. They always forget the recipe.

Israel and Anti-Semitism

2009-01-08T15:10:00.010-05:00

Since the start of recent Israeli attacks on Gaza, I couldn't help but think why is West so adamant in supporting Israel and its "right to exist", against all reasons and logics or any political or diplomatic morality.
Right to Exist; it is a loaded phrase with multi-faceted explanation. The very use of the phrase "right to exist" implies that, although, the user of these three words knows that the existence of Israel is inherently wrong and illegal, however, s/he should support its existence to maintain status quo. Another explanation that entails its use is that the user of the phrase is saying, "Now that Israel has emerged on earth's map and we are not able to falsify this reality, although we don't like it, we will have to accept its existence and accept that Israel has raised its stakes so high which cannot be competed in order to diminish it."
Any student of history with a keen eye on the background of creation of this Jewish state knows that its creation was both morally and legally wrong, although many wouldn't admit it.
The question still remains unanswered: "Why is West so adamant in supporting Israel and its 'right to exist'?"
One explanation is the anti-Semitism in West which reached its culmination in the form of Hitler's Nazi ideology. West knows that cooking Jews like Hitler is no more an option; therefore, only workable way of getting rid of them is to send them some place where they would be more than happy to go and stay. Hence, the existence of Israel and its support. In my opinion, the very notion of supporting Israel is in itself deeply and inherently anti-Semitic. Many supporters of this country equate supporting Israel with supporting Jews, which is also a very misguided notion. Israel is the creation of a group of people comprised of Jews and Christians which completely ignored the war crimes against Jewish people in WWII. They had their own agenda and that was not the well being of Jewish people. Their agenda was to benefit a select group of people which did not represent all Jewish but a subgroup of Jews with extremist militant inclination called Zionists.
Flag waving support for Israel in West is instrumental in drawing idealistic picture of Israel as a land of Jews among young Jewish population. Engraving a utopian depiction of Israel in the young Jewish minds is essential to make sure that these young boys and girls will easily be brain washed into leaving West to permanently settle in Israel. The feud of Palestinians and other Middle Eastern countries with Israel is understandable as they have lost an entire country to aliens and they are left with two strips of land with overly congested population living in same conditions as Jews in European ghettos. When some misguided Arabs launch a couple of mostly ill-aimed rockets which land in Israel, they are not hurting Israeli people. They are hurting that utopian picture of Israel that is depicted for Jews living in West and the utopian ideology is to be protected at any cost even if it means obliterating the rest of Palestine.
Believe it or not, Israel is the foremost cause of anti-Semitism around the world. This country has done more harm than good for Jews. If you study the history of Jews, you will notice that they were one of the most oppressed people in Europe. Historically, whenever Jews suffered and were kicked out of their homes and land, the only place they found refuge and which served as sanctuary for them for centuries was Muslim empire. Many would argue against Muslims not giving Jews share in government or powerful government positions. That maybe so, however, there was no bar on Jews from getting into non-political or non-governmental jobs and they actually prospered under Muslim rulers. Others might argue about the status of Jews. It must be understood that every country has its laws and its citizens must abide by them if they want to live in that country. Laws in parts of Muslim empire required all non-Muslims to pay a certain protection tax which included Jews. It must be mentioned, however, that Jews and Christians enjoyed better status compared to other non-Muslims because they were (and still are) people of the book, followers of Islamic prophets. Muslim governments never discriminated against Jews and treated them same as any other non-Muslim citizens. Anti-Semitism in Muslim empire was non existent.
Now that same Muslim empire has divided into many countries and almost all of these countries have unfriendly stance towards Jews as they see them as the representatives of Israel, an oppressor which has captured Muslim land illegally and kills and is still killing thousands of Muslims.
History is the witness; there was zero anti-Semitism in Muslim countries before the creation of Israel. Now they are topping the list of anti-Jewish countries. Who is to blame?
In USA, conservative ideologists are the strongest supporters of Israel. Southern USA is famous for being conservative and following two videos are evidence of anti-Semitism in USA which is often not expressed as it is considered politically wrong:

Stupid Men of Sitcoms

2009-01-07T01:30:00.011-05:00

A couple days ago Mike Stafford of AM640 was ranting about how media portrays men as stupid goofs and women as the ones running the business of life. For the most part he was ok until he started to name the titles of sitcoms which depicted man of the house as an utter idiot and while wife was the one where all wisdom resided. Following four sitcoms were named often by Mike and by the callers who mostly agreed with him. Most caller know that if they disagree with The Holy Mike Stafford, they will be cut off then mocked and insulted without any chance of response from them. Here are the sitcoms that came up:

King of Queens (Doug Heffernan)
Everybody Loves Raymond (Raymond “Ray” Barone)
Home Improvement (Tim Taylor)
According to Jim (Jim)

Following is a brief sketch of these male characters:
Doug Haffernan
He is fat, loves to eat, loves to hang out with friends and he has no ambition what-so-ever. He is very well contended with his life and job; however, it does bother him occasionally when the circumstances force him to acknowledge that his wife makes more money than him. His wife, Carrie, is clearly much more intelligent than him; she is ambitious and always enthusiastic about progress in life. Doug is clumsy and often has hard time understanding often simple things. He is often childish and impulsive but not more than his father-in-law who lives with the couple and, simply put, is an adult baby, often tended by his daughter who acts more like a mother of her own father. Alright, Doug Haffernan is stupid.
Raymond “Ray” Barone
Raymond, mostly referred to as Ray, is clearly and utterly stupid but somehow a gifted sportswriter. He cannot pronounce many of the words properly and doesn’t seem to be very verbose. Yet he is a successful sportswriter. He often has problem understanding simplest of family issues. He doesn’t have any particular talent and is proudly clumsy. He has a relatively happy life and a strong financial position still he loves to complain. He has whiny nasal voice which becomes even more annoying when he slants single words to the length of half a sentences while acting like an adult child. He often argues with his hot (but not) wife on his self-centered non-issues. His wife, Debra, is perfect in every way except that she cannot often cope with the stupidity of his male in-laws and mischievousness of her only female in-law, Marie. In conclusion, yes, this sitcom’s got a lota stupid men.
Tim Taylor
I haven’t seen much of Home Improvement but I can tell that the man’s got a hot wife and he’s an idiot of sorts. However, his level of moronity (I am trying to invent a word here) is not as high as his friend’s, who is his co-host in a TV show titled Home Improvement (coincidence? Maybe.). In addition, he’s a got a shady neighbor who is always available when his wife needs to complain about her husband and seek advice. A wise man never lets his wife share her secrets and regrets with other men. Moral: Tim Taylor is not a wise man; he’s a stupid.
Jim
Also known as University of Jim, he looks stupid, acts stupid but is not stupid. Yeah, I know, this last sentence had a lot of stupid in it but Jim isn’t part of it. Despite his laziness and apparent clumsiness, Jim is one of the most intelligent characters in the sitcom. He runs his own construction company, keeps his business smooth and customers happy. This requires a lot of intelligence and leadership capabilities. At home, he lets the household business go by on its own and intervenes only when it’s needed. He often argues with his wife on seemingly petty issues, however, most male viewers would easily agree with his stance on household conflicts, which is just common male sense. On the other hand, his wife, Cheryl, is naive and impulsive. She is always trying and planning to outsmart Jim with the help of her conniving sister, Dana, and more than often she fails. Even when, Dana, who openly expresses her utter contempt for her brother-in-law, is rescued and comforted by Jim by his words of wisdom reflecting his profound understanding of life. Jim enjoys sincere respect of his wife’s brother and other co-workers. He, being deprived of father’s love at an early age, is very sensitive to his family’s needs and is often overprotective of his wife and children. It is his that kindness by which he has taken his wife’s siblings under his protective wing.
On the other hand, Jim likes and enjoys keeping his inner child happy as a result of which he often finds himself involved in unnecessary one-on-one fights. He doesn’t mind a happy night of roaming the streets while drunk along with intoxicated friends. He is always a ring leader and never stays behind when it comes to partying or music. In conclusion, with all of his humanly shortcomings, the character of Jim is different from all lead males from other three sitcoms. Jim is a character who acts stupid to get out of chores while other three are genuinely stupid. He is the most lovable character in all four sitcoms.

Joke from my jokes collection 25

2009-01-02T21:18:00.001-05:00

Q. How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
A. Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Microsoft Excel: Overnight shift hours calculation

2008-12-24T18:23:00.014-05:00

Microsoft Excel can be used for your work record to keep track of number of hours worked in each shift. It is useful for those people who don't work regular day jobs and have to work at odd hour and/or have to work irregular lengths of shifts. However, it is not always easy to calculate the hours of day shifts and over-night shifts using the same formula. Here is formula which will accurately calculate lenghth of the shift whether it is a day shift or over-night shift:

=IF(((B2-A2)*24)<0,(b2-a2)*24+24,(b2-a2)*24)

B2 and A2 are the addresses of two cells. Make sure that any cell replacing B2 contains the time of shift's end and one replacing A2 contains shift's start time.

Here are two examples in work:

Example 1:

Example with military style time

Example 2:

Example with AM/PM style time

The column with Hours heading contains the above mentioned formula.

Turn Off or Shut Down computer with keyboard in Windows XP

2008-12-07T16:43:00.005-05:00

Let's say for some reason your monitors is not working and your CPU is still running. You want to properly turn off your CPU. You can't do it with mouse decause you have no display to know the location of mouse cursor. You need to turn off the computer with your keyboard.

This will work only when the computer screen is displaying the list of user accounts. Take a look at following picture from Microsoft website for an example:

Here are three easy steps to turn off computer using your keyboard:

Hit Tab key on your keyboard. It will bring focus to Turn off Computer button.
Press either space bar or Enter.
Press U on your keyboard.

Now wait for your computer to completely turn off.

If you are not familiar with above screen, you might want to visit following link:

http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/using/setup/winxp/accounts.mspx

Joke from my jokes collection 24

2008-12-06T14:20:00.001-05:00

Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

“I would like to buy this small TV”, he told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars”, he replied.

He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars”, Salesman replied.

“Damn, he recognized me”, he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to Sardars”, he replied.

Frustrated, he exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a Sardar?”

“Because that’s a microwave”, he replied.

A History of 666

2008-12-05T12:58:00.003-05:00

“Do you know what 666 means?” it is almost-quotation paraphrase of a reply that I got when I sent my first email using my first hotmail address to a stranger in a hope of making an online friend who I had never seen. Surprised and mildly shocked by the reply, I thought, “I guess, he doesn’t like strangers”.

Being a Muslim and living in a Muslim majority country, I had no idea why the recipient was offended by my email.

It wasn’t until a few years later when I accidentally found that it wasn’t my email that offended the recipient; but rather my email address which had the figure 666 in it.

What I found out was that in West, among Christians to be exact, 666 is “The Number of the Beast”, an extremely unholy number. With Christians comprising less than 3% of the total population, I found very few Christians in my country and their only interest with Christianity was to be able to get into a local church without being accused of being a Muslim by the white pastor. None of my local Christian friends and acquaintances could relate anything special to this number.

Not that I believe you are curious, I will tell you the story of my email address and how I ended up with the number 666 in it.

Along with being a number in locally used decimal numerical system, which by a strange coincidence is also used internationally, 555 is also the name of a local cheap brand of cigarettes (or fags in British). I was trying to come up with an “acceptable” email address with hotmail. All of user names of my choice had been taken and hotmail was giving me all kinds of strange suggestion which mostly involved adding a number after my user name just before circular a. By the way where is it, oh yeah, found it: @.

Most of the numerical suggestions from hotmail, for some reason, involved either the information regarding my birth or then-current year. I wanted to have an email address which wouldn’t be very open about my descent to the mortal world or the animal type of then-current year. Any random number chosen by me had a very good chance of slipping out of my mind just after me hitting “sign out” button. Suddenly an imaginary light-bulb over my head suggested the number 555. With this number had I forgotten my email address, all I had to do was drop by local candy store and get a little glimpse of the cigarette-racks behind the storekeeper. Then again, I did not want to use a brand-name in my email address since I hade no promise of financial compensation from the cigarette-manufacturer for the unintentional advertisement of their product. Then the number 666 was thrown at me by the same light-bulb. It worked on many different levels. Its pattern was obviously very similar to the brand-name which I won’t be mentioning anymore. The number in writing is very similar to the brand-name which I won’t be mentioning anymore. The brand-name which I won’t be mentioning anymore is very easy to make into 666 should I make a calligraphic mistake while adorning the façade of my concrete home with my email address instead of the building number. Had I forgotten my hotmail user name, all I had to do to remember it was drop by my local candy store, get a glimpse of cigarette-racks behind the storekeeper, and add 111 to the brand-name which I won’t be mentioning anymore. Number 111 was easy to remember. It was a part of almost all of local UAN’s, the so-called Universal Access Numbers.

Long story short I used the number 666 and the email address was never used twice.

Joke from my jokes collection 23

2008-12-04T10:12:00.001-05:00

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, “Oh! We’ll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?”

That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, “No problem! We’ll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we’ll automatically get developed.”

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn’t happy.

The surd replied, “Oh! That’s alright but...what would happen if by chance we take over USA?”

Joke from my jokes collection 22

2008-12-02T23:36:00.000-05:00

Q. What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..)
A. He takes a photocopy of the white paper!

Joke from my jokes collection 21

2008-11-30T21:48:00.000-05:00

Q. What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
A. He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes!

Joke from my jokes collection 20

2008-11-28T17:58:00.000-05:00

A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object.

He asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”

The clerk replies, “That is a thermos flask.”

The Sardar then asks, “What does it do?”

The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”

The Sardar says, “I’ll take it!”

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.

His Sardar boss sees him and asks, “What is that shiny object with you?”

He said, “It’s a thermos flask.”

The boss then says, “What does it do?”

He replies, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

The boss said, “Wow, what do you have in it?”

The Sardar replies, “Two cups of coffee and a coke.”

Joke from my jokes collection 19

2008-11-27T16:49:00.001-05:00

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally, a search is being made. They find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims, “71st and again barefoot!”

Joke from my jokes collection 18

2008-11-26T20:08:00.000-05:00

Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column “Salary Expected”: He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: “Yes”

Joke from my jokes collection 17

2008-11-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

Q. Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
A. So you don’t have to re-train them on Monday.

Joke from my jokes collection 16

2008-11-21T20:11:00.000-05:00

Q. What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A. Trying to hold on to a thought.

Joke from my jokes collection 15

2008-11-20T17:43:00.000-05:00

Sardarji calls Air India. “How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?”
“Just a sec”, says the rep.
“Thank you!” says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Joke from my jokes collection 14

2008-11-08T11:06:00.001-05:00

Sardarji is buying a TV. “Do you have color TVs?”
“Sure.”
“Give me a green one, please.”

Joke from my jokes collection 13

2008-10-30T19:56:00.001-04:00

Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
A. Run like crazy. He’s got a hand grenade in his mouth.

Joke from my jokes collection 12

2008-10-29T18:14:00.001-04:00

Q. What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.

Joke from my jokes collection 11

2008-10-26T09:48:00.001-04:00

Q. Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A. Because under 18 were not allowed.

Future Jokes: Sikh, Sardar and Sardarji

2008-10-05T11:11:00.005-04:00

In near future, I am going to post some jokes which some of you might consider racist. These jokes target a certain religious community of India called Sikhs. This community is very visible in Canada and England too because of massive immigration.

Sikhs, along with being a religious community, also enjoy ethnic homogeneity and, unlike many other religious communities of the world, have same religious and communal lingua franca.

A Google search can be used to see their distinctive culture in pictures.

A person belonging to Sikh community is also called Sikh. Sikhs are also called Sardars for some reason. A Sikh can be addressed using the word "Sardar" and it is mostly considered polite to do so, especially when you want to talk to a Sikh, who is a stranger to you, in rather informal way. "Sardarji" is another and politer way to address and refer to a Sikh.

A stereotypical Sikh's name always ends with the word "Singh" although in real life not every Singh is a Sikh and not every Sikh is a Singh.

For some reason, like Scots (and many other ethnic groups which I don't remember), Sikhs are also butt of jokes. A negative stereotype of Sikhs is that they are slow in brain, they have very little intelligence and/or they are always below normal human IQ. All this negativity is used in jokes about Sikhs. Such jokes are quite popular in Pakistan due to the resentment against Sikhs for their participation in bloodshed of migrating Muslims (who were on their way to Pakistan from India) in 1947-48.

I apologise to everybody in advance if you find the up coming jokes about Sikhs distasteful or bad humour. The intention of these jokes is nothing but some moments of smiles and laughs. I am not from Sikh community and my community enjoys more jokes about itself than any other.

Joke from my jokes collection 10

2008-10-03T17:47:00.002-04:00

Female Oriented C++

struct female_professionals
{
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
};
struct beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void greymatter;
char flirt;
};
struct engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};
struct newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};
struct married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void word;
char unstable;
};
struct old_lady
{
double chin;
short memory;
long sighs;
void attention_from_men;
char chatterbox;
};
struct husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_no_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
};

Joke from my jokes collection 9

2008-10-02T21:56:00.002-04:00

If an insect falls into a glass of Pepsi, then:

The Saudi:

Throws the glass away and walks away.

The American:

Takes the insect out, and drinks the Pepsi.

The Chinese:

Eats the insect, and throws the Pepsi away.

The Israeli:

Sucks the Pepsi from the insect before throwing the insect and drinks the Pepsi.

The Pakistani:

Accuses the Indians of throwing the insect into his Pepsi before throwing away both the insect and the Pepsi and vows to reply in kind.

The Indian:

Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, supplying it with nourishment to continue swimming in the Pepsi, blames it as a long term ISI operation, terms the insect as an Islamic militant, then an Afghan mercenary and finally a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and presents the identity card of the bug to prove that it indeed is a Pakistan army personnel in an undercover operation to change the status of Line of Control, shows this guy on Zee News, Doordarshan, Star TV and other influential Indian channels saying it is bla bla (some common Muslim name) makes it speak Urdu, which obviously the insect doesn’t know how to comprehend, and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the Pepsi and demands that the US should declare Pakistan a terrorist State!!!

Joke from my jokes collection 8

2008-10-01T21:14:00.001-04:00

Hello Dear

Your future depends on your dreams; so go to sleep!

Imagine if your computer starts working in Punjabi then what will happen?

You will have commands like these on your computer:

Send = Sutto

Insert = Wich Paao

Attachment = Naal Laao

Edit = Sidda Karo

View = Waikhee Jaao

Forward = Aggay Sutto

Inbox = Undar Da Daak Khaana

Outbox = Baar Da Daak Khana

Trash = Mitti Paao

Sent Items = Bheji Gayee Daak

Address Book = Patay Wali Kaapy

Reply = Bejan Walay Nu Jawab do

Reply All = Saareyaan Nu Jawab do

Delete = Daffa Karo

Download = Thallay Laao

Download All = Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao

Properties = Jaidaad

Connect = Naal Milaao

Fonts = Likhaai

Accounts = Galla

Drafts = Chitheeyaan

Find = Labbo

Paste = Thook Naal Chipkaao

From = Bhejan Walaa Banda

To = Door Betha Hoya Banda

Subject = Khaas Gall

Carbon Copy = Koelay Walee Naqal

Blind Carbon Copy = Anni Koelay Walee Naqal

Stationery = Pensal, Rubburd, Shaapnar

Folders = Thailay

High priority = Waddee Takleef

And finally Ctrl+Alt+Delete = Sara Syapa Mukao

Joke from my jokes collection 7

2008-09-30T22:11:00.001-04:00

Last month a worldwide survey was conducted by the United Nations. The only question asked was: ‘Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?’

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa, they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant.

In Western Europe, they didn’t know what ‘shortage’ meant.

In China, they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant.

In the Middle East, they didn’t know what ‘solution’ meant.

In South America, they didn’t know what ‘please’ meant.

In United States of America, they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.

Joke from my jokes collection 6

2008-09-29T23:40:00.002-04:00

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: “Darling, I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn’t paid their last bill: “Are you Mrs. Smith? You’re a month overdue, you know!”

“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.

“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the man from the electric company.

“What are you saying? It’s in your files?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight.”

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

“What’s going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?”

“Just calm down,” says the clerk, “it’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”
“PAY you? And if I refuse?”

“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut you off.”

“And what would my wife do then?”

“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.”

Joke from my jokes collection 5

2008-09-28T02:06:00.001-04:00

A British doctor says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it into another man and have him out looking for work in six weeks!”

A German doctor says, “Dat’s nottink! Vee can take a brain out of von person, poot it into anoder and have him preparing for war in FOUR weeks!”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, “You guys are way behind! We just took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work and the other half is preparing for war.”

Joke from my jokes collection 4

2008-09-22T22:32:00.002-04:00

A fellow is going on tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he’s shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is a needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”

Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are manufactured. The machine makes a noise: Hiss, Hiss, Hiss, Hiss-Pop!

“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the hiss, hiss is, but what’s that pop every so often?”

“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the guide. “It pokes a hole in every tenth condom.”

“Well, that can’t be good for the condom!” the man states.

“Very true, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business.”

Joke from my jokes collection 3

2008-09-21T06:18:00.002-04:00

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute, listen to my side of the story. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, only to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. When I was about three blocks from the store, I got a flat tire. When I finally got here, there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people and, all the time, the damn phone was ringing off the hook.” He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels. The phone was still ringing. When I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. All of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone was still ringing with no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me, mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!”

Joke from my jokes collection 2

2008-09-19T06:26:00.001-04:00

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle, “Well...?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’-2”, hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, ‘My God...’.”

Joke from my jokes collection 1

2008-09-18T17:20:00.000-04:00

I was in my car during a traffic jam, and I could see a man walking between the cars, apparently asking something to everyone as he passed. The man walks up to my car and knocks on the windshield.

I open the window and he asks: “Hey, Did you hear the news? The Pakistani Cricket team is being held hostage, and they ask Rs. 100 crore for their release. If they don’t pay it, they threaten to put petrol on the players, and light them!”
“Oh God!” I said, “This is just unbelievable”.

“That’s why I’m walking from car to car, to collect”, said the man.

While I was getting my wallet out of my pocket I asked the man how much most people usually give, and the man said: “Well, about 5 litres!”